Today started with getting up earlier than I would like on a Saturday, but I really wanted to get something accomplished. It's funny because over the last couple of days the kids have wanted me to read them a book about a girl who has to change her habit of staying up late and waking up late in order for her to attend something special to her one early morning.
The kids and I had already planned Aaron's Father's Day gift. We were going to clean out his car, vacuum it, sanitize and wipe down the entire interior and then wash the exterior. The kids helped get all the stuff out of Aaron's car but then informed me that it was more important for them to start saving all of the rolly-pollies they were finding. Aaron came out, discovered what we were doing, and helped to sort through what needed to be put back in the car. It was good family time together.
Then, I got to do something that really energized me. I went and helped a friend set up a training program she can do at her home. It felt really good to be training again. But, you know what felt the best...hearing for myself what I was counseling her on:
-We talked about how she doesn't need to let her body determine when she is done with a set, but instead let her mind set a goal and her body will automatically do what it takes to reach the goal.
-We talked about finding balance with adding this new routine/training/discipline into her life.
-We talked about finding ways to not set herself up for failure, but instead figuring out some sort of rewards program.
-We talked about the fact that her weight gain didn't happen over night, so she needs to be patient and let the weight loss come off over time.
As these things were coming out of my mouth, my spirit was just sitting there with its mouth dropped wide open, like "du". Why, Jessica, don't you tell yourself these same things, or more importantly, why don't you believe them yourself?
On the way home I heard the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. There is a line in that song that says "This is not our home". I of course have always thought it to mean that this earthly dwelling of ours is not our home. Today, though, I thought of it in a different way. This place of captivity to food, a broken body/spirit, depression, insecurity, unworthiness, and worry - THIS is not my home! My home, even on this earth is of love (in God and in myself), trust (in God and in myself), worthiness, confindence in being beautifully made by God, inword peace, joy, contentment, hope, and thankfulness. I could literally feel my soul shiver with realization. It was enlightening.
At lunch Aaron wanted to take the kids to Scholotsky's because they had a special for Father's Day weekend. He asked if I wanted to go. No, I didn't. I wanted to stay home and eat in my own little world. But, when he said, "You want to come see what fun we have?" it made my soul perk up a little. Yes, I needed to be a part of this family. So, I did have to pack my food, but I did go. Aaris and I had a drama filled moment, but other than that it was a good family time.
We then went shopping for Skylyn's Poo-Poo Present to encourage her to go poo-poo in the potty. She keeps her panties dry all day, but won't poop until she has a diaper on. Hoping to cross that hurdle soon. While shopping I saw some accessories I would like to buy for the girls future room on the clearance rack. I told myself I would buy them on the way to the check-out, but by the time we went back to get them one of the set of three was gone. I was discouraged, but tried to take it as a sign of the fact that I don't have the money to buy them anyway and therefore, this wasn't the time to get them. I kinda really like it when God helps make the decisions easy for me. I did make a mistake with the kids and their rules of being able to buy toys. It lead to many tears and frustrations, but I think we'll all survive the incident.
Finally, we were invited to a pool party this evening. We took late naps and were going to be 1 1/2 hours late, so it was tempting not to go. But, I decided that the kids really deserved to go have fun at any opportunity thrown their way, and my laziness shouldn't stand in their way of that. So, we went. IT WAS SO WORTH IT. The company for Aaron and I was great. And the kids... Well, they all thrived and boldly did things they hadn't done before.
BUT I ALMOST LET THE OPPORTUNITY PASS.
After eating the kids wanted to get back in the pool. I said yes to the older two because that didn't require me being involved, getting back into my swimming suit, or getting uncomfortably cold. But, after Skylyn asked several times I decided to let her get back in in the hot tub area with her floating tub on. I still had NO plans of getting wet, because this was already pushing it for my selfish thinking. Well, then Titus decided that he could take off his life vest. I worked with him and he got to were he could swim across the deep part of the hot tub. At this point I had to make a decision. Do I limit his ability by my not wanting to be uncomfortable. NO! So, on went my swimming suit and into the water in the big pool I went with Titus. He was scared but pushed through enough to have some good momentum of courage going for the next time we are at a pool. Then came Skylyn. She was not able to get in the big pool again since I was in. And then arouse her courage. She has never let me let go of her or her floaty when in the pool. But, she tried it and just got braver and braver. By the end she was swimming all over the pool unassisted and even jumped in without me holding her hand to finish off the evening. Aaris also excelled. After watching a 3 year old friend diving for toys at the bottom of the pool she finally decided she could do that as well. There is no stopping her now. We had to drag her out of the pool.
Dear God. Thank you for letting me put my personal preferences aside and focus on my kids needs and desires more because I see that it really is fulfilling and rewarding spiritually. Not only would they have missed out on big changes in their abilities, but so would I.
BUT I ALMOST LET THE OPPORTUNITY PASS.
After eating the kids wanted to get back in the pool. I said yes to the older two because that didn't require me being involved, getting back into my swimming suit, or getting uncomfortably cold. But, after Skylyn asked several times I decided to let her get back in in the hot tub area with her floating tub on. I still had NO plans of getting wet, because this was already pushing it for my selfish thinking. Well, then Titus decided that he could take off his life vest. I worked with him and he got to were he could swim across the deep part of the hot tub. At this point I had to make a decision. Do I limit his ability by my not wanting to be uncomfortable. NO! So, on went my swimming suit and into the water in the big pool I went with Titus. He was scared but pushed through enough to have some good momentum of courage going for the next time we are at a pool. Then came Skylyn. She was not able to get in the big pool again since I was in. And then arouse her courage. She has never let me let go of her or her floaty when in the pool. But, she tried it and just got braver and braver. By the end she was swimming all over the pool unassisted and even jumped in without me holding her hand to finish off the evening. Aaris also excelled. After watching a 3 year old friend diving for toys at the bottom of the pool she finally decided she could do that as well. There is no stopping her now. We had to drag her out of the pool.
Dear God. Thank you for letting me put my personal preferences aside and focus on my kids needs and desires more because I see that it really is fulfilling and rewarding spiritually. Not only would they have missed out on big changes in their abilities, but so would I.
Tonight was really late when we got Aaris and Titus to bed because it was almost 10:00 PM. But, again it was so worth it. Aaris reading her Bible reading for the night was great. Their prayers were AMAZING, and they just kept wanting to say more and more prayers. No matter how tired I am, I NEVER want to rush through prayer time. I want them to always have a desire to just divulge everything to God.
It was a beautiful day, even with it's faults, because it was a day God gave me to see things differently.
(And this is just for laughs: Aaron asked Skylyn if she wanted another hot dog to eat. She said, "No me want HOT dog, me want WARM dog." She doesn't like it when food is to hot to eat, so this was the funniest genuine comment from her little 2 yr. old self.)
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