God's Timing

Okay, so today God seemed to be directing us to focus on the idea of God's timing and the peace that comes from believing in that idea. 

I didn't sleep very well last night, waking up a lot.  I also had very vivid and emotional dreams.  They were about unrealistic things but at the same time very familiar things liking trying out for cheerleader yet not making it (spent 7 years as a cheerleading growing up).  There was one dream that was something different ~ something I never remember experiencing in a dream.  After I lost the cheerleading tryouts I woke up virtually crying.  I went back to sleep and picked right back up.  I remember feeling victimized and therefore decided to just act that way.  But, right after my first gesture of living as a victim I felt stupid.  I remember thinking that that was dumb.  So, I decided to fight back with power.  I remember thinking about what the cheerleading squad would miss with my absence and I knew it was my physical strength and power.  So, I decided to use that special quality of mine as an asset.  I tried got involved in power lifting for the school and did well as far as I can remember.  By the end of my dream I was winning some overall excellence title for the entire school.  Victory?  What!  I have rarely had a dream where I came out strong and victorious.  What was the timing of this?

Breakfast was still a challenge.  I still wanted to overeat and did.  It seemed like a combination of wanting to enjoy the luxury of this ready to eat gourmet food that was about to be gone, not wanting to face going back to the reality of life, being tired from a long night's restless sleep, and not wanting to waste the food or the money my parents spent on the food.  No matter, I still overate.

The ride home was fine.  I felt like talking to someone but everyone was in church.  As we were hitting downtown Austin my car started acting funny and smelling like something burning.  I pulled over to get some gas thinking that would help the car not work so hard (my tank was almost empty).  As the car was sitting at the pump it starting smoking/steaming from under the hood.  A nice guy came over to see if he could help.  Basically he just concluded that I should be able to make it home.  We did put some gas in the car and puttered slowly all the way home and later to an auto repair lot.  But, as I stood there looking at stem coming out from under my hood all I could think at first was "WHY?!?!?!?!"  "Why now?!?"  Why, when we have just started to get our feet underneath us financially with hope of sometime in the future seeing some sort of light at the end of this long dark tunnel does this extra expense have to hit us?!?!  But, after about a minute of that fit in my head the thought that popped in my mind was, "God's timing is always perfect."  This must be the Holy Spirit, because that's not my normal way of thinking.

Aaris also had a timing incident happen today.  She had a huge nervous breakdown when she was in the car at the gas station and could smell and see the smoke.  She basically screamed for her live to be let out of the car obviously thinking that something horrific was going to happen.  (She's had fears about cars since her accident with Aaron back in April.)  I had to talk to her about fear and trusting God instead of all the scariest outcomes we could think of.  She had another fear this evening with the car as well.  So, at bed time we read from the kid's daily bible devotional and the title of the night's devo was 'No More Worries'.  It talked about when you're worried you're supposed to talk to God about it and know that He'll take care of them for you.  God's perfect timing, wouldn't you say?!

Finally, Aaron and I watched a movie tonight, "The Company Men."  It basically followed men and how they survived, helped, refocused, or even lost the battle of this economy that we're in and the bad hands they suddenly had been dealt with their jobs and finances.  I know for me, it made me feel blessed to be as lucky as we are right now.  It made me appreciate all that we still do get to enjoy, like a house and food.  But, more importantly it made me feel very rich in love because of the bond my husband and kids and I have.  We haven't let the need for 'stuff' come between us.

You know I really want the 'HGTV'd' show to come to my house and decorate my master bedroom.  And I mean - REALLY!  But, tonight I just had to let go of that lustful longing and just remember that God will have the perfect timing for anything he wants to bless us with - even anything including worldly, materialistic desires.  So, I still have a desire for HGTV to come do my room, but it's more of a hopeful, hey-wouldn't-that-be-so-cool type of dream instead of a lustful, it's-the-only-way-I'm-ever-going-to-enjoy-my-house type of desire.

Last thing.  As Aaris was very beautifully reading from the book of Titus tonight I got struck with a passage that I want to apply to my daily focus on being set free from this food addiction:

Titus 2:11-13

"God's saving grace has appeared to all people.  It teaches us to say no to godless ways (a.k.a for me = lusting after and comforting myself with food and putting it before my God or my family) and sinful longings.  We must control ourselves.  We must do what is right.  We must lead godly lives in today's world.  That's how we should live as we wait for the blessed hope God has given us."