The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Things to know about today

The Bad: 
-Woke up at 10:00 AM angry about where I was (depressed and surrounded by mess), and how I had let myself get there (binged instead of clean up from the trip, sick feeling from the binge, and sleeping away my time with the kids)
-Short with my kids
-Let them eat by themselves all day while I overate by myself
-Left Aaron with the kids even though he had a long hard day so I neglected my job as his partner
-Weighed myself at the grocery store (at the pharmacy blood pressure machine) and I'm 4 lbs heavier than when I started this journal and 10 lbs heavier than I was in March

The Ugly:
-I'm still wearing the clothes I wore home on Saturday (beside changing underwear)
-I haven't showered since Friday night
-My belly is bloated out like I'm 6 months pregnant because of my body not liking the food or the amount of food I'm putting into it

The Good:
-Only ate things I have been approved to eat today
-God gave me hope.  After I had already finished one whole bag of vegetable chips for lunch I went to grab another bag and I grabbed the brand new jar of organic all natural peanut butter I had just bought at the grocery store.  I was ready to eat just to numb myself out.  I decided that I wanted to cry out to Jesus and God.  As I walked through my room to get to the office where I was going to binge I grabbed my Bible and just flung it open begging that God would have something to tell me.  He had the page open up to Jeremiah 32:26 - 34:7. 
     Jeremiah 33:6-9 "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it;  I will heal my people and   will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.  I will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity and will rebuild them as they were before.  I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me.  Then this city will bring me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it."
     Jeremiah 33:11 "Give thanks to the Lord Almighty, for the Lord is good; his love endures forever." 
I put down the food.  I journaled some and read some from the "Made to Crave" book and then took a nap.  He helped stop me from a day long binge and he helped stop me from eating that would leave to guilt because it wasn't a beneficial food (peanut butter).
-Tonight after I once again had a whole bag of Vegetable Chips I went in to the kitchen because I felt like continuing to just much on something instead of work on this journal or clean up the kitchen.  I once again opened the door and saw the peanut butter but God helped me to close the door back and leave the peanut butter in the cupboards.  I instead had two glasses of Almond Milk.