Traveling home. Not bad. I still wanted to eat but was able to rain it in. There were sources of tension that still arose.
The biggest blow came from my mom. She asked me if I had been purging. "WHAT?!?!" is all I could scream in my head. Urggg! Come on. Someone please trust me. Someone please give me credit for being honest. I don't know why when I tell everyone that this is a no-holds-bar journal of my journey they can't believe it. I mean, REALLY, have I not proved that I'm telling all by being so reveling of all my thoughts, feelings, mistakes, and flaws. I HATE having to prove myself. I HATE having to defend something that I've done nothing to give reason to give doubt!
After we got home and got the kids to bed, I went straight to the pantry. I grabbed the peanut butter and headed to the living room to unwind from the stress of the day. Why? Why do I have to unwind with food that I know is going to make me feel guilty emotionally and sick physically? Why to fall back to my old way of thinking which is that I deserve a treat for all of the unpleasant things I had to face that day. I didn't necessarily binge, but I did overeat because I kept eating when I was full and I ate just to keep comforting myself.
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