July 9

If I wouldn't have been with my parents in the car, I would have eaten more of my way to the beach.  This is because 1.)  I was dreading having to be in a swimming suit for a week 2.)  I was anxious about being with my family for a week and how they might treat me due to my eating choices or due to my past  3.)  I hate traveling and I always like to eat in order to make my misery more enjoyable.

Everything before lunch went pretty fast.  This could have been due to the fact that I slept off and on or that I drove part of the time.  But, the afternoon took forever!  It was so irritating and frustrating and uncomfortable that all I wanted was food and it's quick enjoyment.

Then, I dealt with mixed emotions.  I really felt for my sister and their car hitting heavy traffic and yet I had sat in a car of seven people (3 being kids) and we had to be the ones in  charge of stopping to get groceries and dinner for everyone.  I do want to note that I am grateful for her selflessness to give us tips on how to avoid their terrible run in with traffic.  It's just my problem for having feelings of anger when they text pictures of them on the beach while we are running around a very crowded Wal-Mart and the guys chasing three hungry, tired and restless kids outside in the parking lot.

One hard moment was hearing everyone talk about all of their sugar filled baked goodies.  Then, there was my brother who was trying to refusing to eat the vegetables we had cooked for dinner.  When he declared, "It's my vacation, too, and I can eat what I want!" angered me.  Why?  It was more about my feeling like he was showing no appreciation for me and my mom spending the first hours of our vacation shopping for food, preparing the food, and then cooking the food while he got to enjoy the beach and just hanging out.

As I was getting ready for bed I must admit that I had a quick thought about how I was not close to any hospital.  So, here I am a year after my first huge potassium scare and I'm still having to fight off thoughts of "what ifs" and all of my anxious fears.  Can' let them run my life any more.