Woke up way too late. Really didn't want to get out of bed. I ate vegetable chips and 2 rice cakes and almond milk for breakfast. Got to work on switching out and cleaning out the kid's closets. Barely stopped for lunch. Had peach and more vegetable chips. Really wanted rice cakes, but we were all out. I then was very tempted to eat corn chips or sugar free crackers, but THANKFULLY realized that wouldn't be a good idea. I would feel guilty for just putting one of those items in my mouth and would therefore just end up eating into a binge. So, instead I got two small glasses of almond milk.
After calling my mother and discussing my increasing anxiety of just thinking about being a committed child care provider for this baby I decided it best to call the parents. I told her that I didn't think I could keep their baby for them. It was an extremely hard choice because I didn't want to back out of a commitment. I also didn't want to not help out my family financially, but I just knew in my gut that this was not going to be healthy for me physically or emotionally. Really, this was the only choice I had if I wanted what was going to be best for me, and therefore ultimately for the baby and for my own family. After getting off the phone with her and feeling like I was instantly downing in guilt I decided to call a good friend of mine that is a teacher, but has also been a child care provider out of her house. She thought I made the best choice.
Got frustrated with photography assignment. Didn't feel like I could get it to work!!! Felt completely stupid and inadequate for the class. Didn't feel like I was able to grasp everything we were learning. Also, I felt very handicap by my old worn out camera. It just doesn't respond like a newer, not dropped and banged up version does.
I ate before class: the rest of the vegetable chips and some grapes.
After school I went to Wal-Mart. I spent way too much money, but they were all necessities for the girl's new beds. I feel guilty but at the same time I"m excited about it all being done.
Looking back, I really had NO desire to overeat or binge today - THANK YOU GOD! But, I also had NO desire to eat meat and vegetables.
Dear God, please give me some guidance with the girl's new room and with the the use of my camera.
No comments:
Post a Comment