Made a Connection

I woke up and flipped open my Bible but glanced at it and decided I didn't have time because of all that I already had planned for the day.

This was supposed to be a fun and productive day.  The kids made that about impossible.  Looking at it now, I can see that it was my fault.  I had pretty much deprived them of personal connection for the week and yet I demanded respect from them. 

We went fabric shopping for the girl's new room.  I have my mind set on getting the two girls into a room together before Aaris starts 2nd grade.  That means Titus will be moved into his own room and not share with Aaris any more.  But, that means painting and therefore decorating the rooms.  It's something I'm super excited about, but at the same time feel guilty about.  I now that after our $3100 car expense we don't really have the money, but I have all the intention to keep at it. 

We went to fabric stores and I was elated to find the fabric I had seen and fallen in love with 2 months ago.  The kids were horrible in the store.  The were braking the mini measuring tapes I had given them in order to stay occupied and quiet.  They were pulling each other around, tacking each other and being super loud.  I was so frustrated!

I then stopped at a used furniture store I like and almost bought something for the girls room, but decided that I needed to wait to see how all of their current furniture would fit before making more purchases.  That's the one time I felt good about my choices for the day.

All I heard about all morning was how the kids wanted to get home and complaining about being hungry or thirsty.  I drove through a drive-thru to take care of those complaints and then was slapped in the face by their complaining that it wasn't what they wanted or it wasn't enough food.  Oh, just couldn't make them happy this day.

Really enjoyed getting them home and down to nap and rest time.  I used most of the time still cleaning for Care Group that was meeting at our place this evening for food and fellowship.

I raced the kids through the grocery store and back home just in time to finish all the preparation for Care Group. 

My struggle for the day was feeling strong and productive and positive about using my body to not be idle for the day, yet feeling guilty for not engaging with my kids.

Care Group was really small but good.  It was two other moms and their daughters and us 5.  It was great to get to know them on a more personal level.  It was a little difficult with one of the ladies because she had just recently wrote me and said she can't read this blog any more because of her feeling hurt from my comments of feeling like no one wants to be my friend.  She feels like she tries very hard to be and those comments stung her.  I totally and 100% understood.  It made me furious at these disease (depression and food addiction) because of all that they continue to steal from me because of their abilities to blind me from all good.

But then an unexpected connection happened.  The other lady I'm still just trying to get to know.  They've just been in Care Group with us for several months and we have never really been able to talk in a way in which we can really open up.  Well, this time we did.  Through a passing comment a long and deep conversation came up about depression, eating disorders and healing.  I felt honored to have talked to her that night and to have made a connection and relationship I was not expecting.  You know, I kept wondering why God sent her family to our Care Group, but now I have a feeling it is to give each other support to heal.

That night before we talked I was looking forward to everyone leaving so I could go binge on a package of rice cakes.  After her talk I had no desire.

So, bedtime came and I felt the need to read the scriptures God had me flip to this morning.  Man, God knows how to put me in my place.  I had been wrapped up that day in what my house was needing to look like materialistically.  This is what struck me:

Luke 12:15

"Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."

Luke 12:29-31

"And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.  For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.  But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."

Luke 12:33-34

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor...For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Then the whole passage of Luke 12: 35-48 titled 'Watchfulness' really shook my spirit!